


Eyes, Nose, Lips

by Naome



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9259349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naome/pseuds/Naome
Summary: Post-3.4The Warrior of Light finds a small period of peace after Yda and Papalymo’s return, signaling the reunion of the Scions. In an attempt to find some peace and quiet for their own personal life, they are unexpectedly reunited with Estinien. Whether this is good or ill tidings is something they are left to figure out.





	1. Eyes

               Merry songs, loud whistles, and the clinking of glasses and bottles filled the air of the Aftcastle. In the background, the festival’s fireworks were going off, coloring the waters with vivid reds, greens, oranges, and more late into the night. I clutched my cloak closer to me, shielding myself from the cold piercing winds making their way through Limsa Lominsa.

  
               It had been ages since I visited the seaside city, and maybe, now that I had time to think about it, that it was not the best time to visit because of the festivities. Although I heard joyful singing, laughter, and warm greetings, I had been aching for something else besides the signs of life being mostly okay: the quiet.

  
               I began to walk towards the Marauder’s Guild, thinking the bridges before would be quieter and would not starve me of some good views, when I saw someone who looked familiar. In fact, he looked too familiar.

  
               With his white long hair down, he was walking towards the Aftcastle. He had no weapons on him, not even armor. I stood where I stopped walking, staring at him quietly as he continued onward, his attention focused on the fireworks as he held a neutral expression. Blinking, I started to walk towards him, slowly as I was still unsure if it was really him.

  
               He finally noticed me and stopped directly in front of me. He looked down at me, his stern grey eyes peering into mine.

  
               “Estinien?” I whispered, cowering a little under his gaze.

  
               “I… wait a second… what are you doing here?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows.

  
               “I… well,” I gulped as I took a step backwards. “You can say I’m having a vacation, for a few days. That’s all.”

  
               He looked suspiciously at me, “Is… everything alright with Ishgard now, which would explain why you are here on no official business?”

  
               “Yes, of course… The city is mostly at peace now, though repairs are still being carried out and all that. I won’t be in Ishgard on official business for a while now, thank the Gods,” I replied, smiling out of relief at remembering the newfound peace the war-fatigued city had finally found.

  
               Estinien said nothing, keeping his lips closed in a rigid line as he continued to examine me. “Why the cloak?”

  
               “I just don’t want to be seen. You see… I’ve been wanting some quiet, for a long time now. Some peace and quiet. Two very simple but very rare things,” I frowned at him. “The same as you, I’m supposing?” I added softly.

  
               He gave a frustrated sigh. “What do you intend to do now that you’ve seen me since I left saying little to everyone else?” he looked away from me.

  
               “Nothing, really. We figured that if you ever wanted to see us again that you would reappear before us in your usual fashion,” I answered, shrugging my shoulders. “We know… that we should definitely give you some space right now. We aren’t that foolish, you know.”

  
               He looked at me, now visibly annoyed but not exactly angry. “Those words… are not the ones I expected,” he suddenly confessed, looking at me again, “But I suppose I should be happy that you and Aymeric trust me that much?”

  
               “It’s up to you. You aren’t the kind of person I would give a simple yes or no to a question like that, Estinien.”

  
               “You’ve become a bit colder since I last remembered you.”

  
               “And to you, a bit more confused. But pray tell me, what can one do when life continues to be a mess? Estinien… if you don’t want me to be here, you can tell me. You were always that honest with me.” I looked down at the ground, feeling chills run throughout my body as I waited for his answer.

  
               Peace and quiet. We wanted some of both, but this unexpected meeting frankly made little sense. To me, at least.

  
               “You’re still a fool,” he asserted as he snickered a little, “You expressed earlier that you wanted some peace and quiet. Why don’t we go out of the city for the night and look at some of the fireworks then?”

-

               We had been lying down on the grass in Middle La Noscea for about an hour now, gazing up at the star-filled sky. The fireworks had already stopped by the time we made our way out of the city. He was lying a few feet away from me, yet he was still within an arm’s reach.

  
               We spoke no words between the two of us and our eyes remained fixed on the countless twinkling dots in the sky. I felt small yet in awe about these stars every night. None of them moved from their usual spots no matter what was happening down here in Eorzea. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, thinking to myself that if I fell asleep and woke up by myself in the morning with Estinien gone, I wouldn’t be surprised. A single tear rolled down the side of my head as I opened my eyes.

  
               I wouldn’t be surprised. But, I would be sad, I admit.

  
               Out of the corner of my eyes, I spied a shooting star.

  
               “Estinien,” I called out with a quiet voice. “Did you see that?”

  
               “The falling star? I did.”

  
               “Did… you make a wish?”

  
               “I did make a wish.”

  
               “Really?” I gave a small shocked gasp.

  
               “I… is it that unexpected of me to believe in small things like that from time to time?”

  
               “Well… now that I think about it… maybe not so much. It has been awhile… hasn’t it? Since the last time it was like this… we had Alphinaud and Ysayle and—”

  
               “Quiet.”

  
               “Sorry,” I bit my lip, “I shouldn’t have…”

  
               It was silent again between the two of us. I closed my eyes, the clutches of fatigue slowly entangling my consciousness. My mind lingered on the topic of Estinien wishing upon the shooting star. I rolled onto my side to face away from him.

  
               “What… did you wish for?” I asked him without really thinking. I thought to myself that I wouldn’t be hurt if he refused to answer. Knowing him, I didn’t expect him to answer.

  
               After a few minutes of silence, he finally cleared his throat and responded, “I wished that I could keep being honest with you.”

  
               “To be honest with me? But you always have been… brutally honest, even.”

  
               “I haven’t been,” he replied quietly.

  
               “Oh…” I felt too afraid to ask what he meant. I felt a knot in my stomach as I grabbed a few blades of grass to crush within my fist, trying to calm myself down a little.

  
               I wondered to myself why he had decided to spend some time with me if it was going to be like this. Maybe we shouldn’t have reunited so soon, for it feels as if we can’t even talk to each other without awkwardness because we were both still slightly reeling from the end of the Dragonsong war.

  
               “I’ve always liked your eyes,” I heard him whisper. I said nothing in response, pretending to be asleep to avoid having to reply.

  
               “Here I am, being honest… maybe…”

  
               I couldn’t make out the rest of Estinien’s words. The winds carried his words away from me. Maybe that was for the best right now.


	2. Nose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As always, I am still in the same place  
> Please let my star rise on your night  
> The shining sun falling, falling behind you"

               I inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh salty breeze of the ocean before us. As it moved slowly up and down the sandy shores, it twinkled underneath the sun and the azure skies. We sat some distance from it on a grey picnic blanket; my legs were sprawled out before me while Estinien sat with crossed legs.

  
               Between the two of us was a bucket full of ice and two bottles of wine that he bought this morning. I stared at the water, my eyelids feeling a bit heavy as my thoughts began to wander. I told him that I was headed to Costa del Sol today, and after some hesitation, he asked if he could tag along.

  
               I couldn’t refuse him when he offered to buy me wine as compensation. I thought he wanted to be alone, but felt there was no real issue if he wanted to come with me to sit on the sand and do nothing as the day expires. I was surprised again when I found out that he bought my favorite wine.

  
               He spoke no words, but his eyes were on something else besides the cerulean beauty just past the shore. I really was getting some peace and quiet, yet as I thought back to our conversation last night outside of Limsa Lominsa, my heart felt as if it was slowly dropping to my stomach.

  
               “You said last night that you wanted to be honest with me, right?” I asked him as I reached for a bottle and opened it. “Did you buy two so we could both have our own bottles too?”

  
               “Mayhaps,” he quietly whispered, watching me as I drank from it. “Have you always drank like that? The day is still young so I do not get why you are drinking already.”

  
               “I just happen to be really fond of this wine, Estinien,” I pointed out to him, a small smile spreading across my face. “It’s really sweet and I can kind of forget about the bitterness of alcohol.”

  
               “It smells rather fragrant from here too,” he remarked with his hand reaching for the bottle. I handed it to him with no questions asked.

  
               “I forgot whether you liked to drink or not. I also forgot whether you liked sweet things or not, Estinien,” I voiced to him, giving him a weird look. “Which one is it, now?”

  
               “I am fine with drinking. I hate sweet things,” he replied stoically. He took a huge swig from the bottle of wine.

  
               “You weren’t lying just now, were you?”

  
               “I told you that I wished to keep being honest with you,” he suddenly snapped at me, almost shoving the bottle back into my hands. He looked at the waters now, looking as if he was pondering heavily about something.

  
               I took a few gulps from the bottle before I placed it back into the ice bucket.

  
               “It’s been such a long time since all of this started, for me,” I began. “It wasn’t so bad in the beginning, but in the beginning I knew no one too. Before I got into Ishgard thanks to Haurchefant, it was when I had so many people I could call companions. Friends. People I wanted to keep close to me at all times, to protect them.

  
               “Days became colorful, even the ones where I did nothing, like right now. I could spend time by myself and find less reasons to worry about having someone to return to. With Haurchefant, it became even less difficult. I had someone to return to. I had people to return to and—it was a wonderful feeling,” I took the bottle again and drank, the alcohol burning my throat a little.

  
               Estinien stayed silent, but I knew he was listening. He kept his eyes on the sea.

  
               “Yda and Papalymo are with us again, and so the Scions have mostly returned. It seems as if everything is the most peaceful it has been ever since what happened with the Crystal Braves and all. Ever since with Haurchefant… you know, when all those things happened, I learned something rather harsh…

  
               “I wanted to keep everyone safe, for selfish reasons. Well, whatever about my motivations for half the things I do, at this point. But these people are my friends… and I… I cannot keep all of them safe. I cannot… save all of them.”

  
               Warm tears rolled down my cheeks as I drank more. Estinien took the bottle away from me when I wasn’t paying attention, and he drank too.

  
               “I haven’t saved all of them either. I cannot save all of them too,” he whispered to me, returning the wine bottle into the bucket. “You are hurt by loss. So am I.”

  
               My body felt a bit warm after all the drinking the past few minutes. I cleared my throat and reached for the bottle. It was almost empty, and I finished it.

  
               “Estinien… I thought I was going to lose you, like how I lost Minfilia… like how I lost Moenbryda… like how I lost Haurchefant—”

  
               “Please, do not say that name.” He was almost hissing when he said those words. I looked up at him, my eyes full of tears.

  
               “Why?”

  
               “I—I cannot bear to see you hurt yourself so. No, do not remember those times, right now. Drink…” his voice shook a little. He did not look at me as his eyes wandered to everything else in the world.

  
               “Shut up…” I sputtered, more tears gathering in my eyes. “You cannot tell me when I can or cannot grieve.”

  
               “T-that is not what I meant— look, just… forget what I said then.”

  
               “You’re here now. You’re alive. I haven’t lost you, not yet. I’m happy but— you’re… not being honest with me. Not right now. Not last night.”

  
               Neither of us spoke. Suddenly, he gently placed a hand on my cheek and turned my face to face him, and as he looked at me, he was wiping away my tears. He looked at me, with hurt and confusion in his eyes, yet he looked fondly at me. I felt as if my heart was about to burst out of my chest.

  
               “I wonder sometimes… what will I become now, after all that has transpired since you set foot into my life? After all that has happened in Ishgard? After I wipe away your tears when you’re making the least sense, when you are blabbering on like a tired fool…” he wondered in a quiet voice. I could smell the wine’s fragrance from his breath.

  
               “You’re here now. You’re alive. I haven’t lost you,” I repeated as each word made my heart ache a little. I lifted up a hand to touch him on the cheek as I looked at his forlorn eyes.

  
               “Your heart… does not belong to me, does it?” he asked meekly, removing his hand from my face. He begun to open the second bottle of wine.

  
               “You’re being a bit more honest now…” I had stopped crying. “I don’t know right now, Estinien. I simply do not know,” I confessed as my chest hurt at the thought.

  
               “I have felt like this about you for a long time, not that would change your mind so quickly. Not that I want to force you to return these feelings, either. I cannot tell the Warrior of Light what to do. I can only tell them if they are doing something stupid,” he mumbled before he took a few sips. He offered the bottle to me.

   
               I took it and drank a bit more. “I can’t do this to you, Estinien. I’m so relieved, so happy, that you were able to return to us, after everything… after all the work Alphinaud, Aymeric, and I— all the work we did. All the pain we went through… the agony and—”

  
               “It is more than fine to just say those simple words. Quit your babbling,” he took the bottle from me and drank more.

  
               “I don’t know if what I’m feeling right now about you, towards you, is what you want, Estinien. But please, know this fact, that you are someone I cherish. I do not want to lose you. Not again,” I finally declared to him, looking up at him to make eye contact.

  
               He only nodded. “That is better than nothing,” he concluded, looking a bit hurt but relieved at the same time. “I remember when you once told me that you were almost fed up with my insatiable drive for vengeance against Nidhogg. You were fuming.”

  
               “I thought it was quite stupid back then, alright?”

  
               “You were quite stupid back then, too,” he snickered at me.

  
               I rolled my eyes at this.

  
               We spent the rest of the day mostly in silence, talking now and then about other matters to catch up on each other’s lives ever since he recovered from the battle at the Final Steps of Faith. During our time at Costa del Sol, we had finally eased into each other’s company to the point that we could easily converse with each other as close friends. It wasn’t something we could have had during the Dragonsong War. I think he knew that too.

-

               On the walk back to Limsa Lominsa, my head was swirling in a storm of thoughts. I did not know what to make of what had happened between the two of us during the day. Mayhaps I had found some peace and quiet externally, but now my mind and heart had been rattling all day long ever since Estinien asked that question.

  
               He did not bring it up again, nor did I. But ever since then, I really couldn’t look at him the same way again. In fact, I had sort of forgotten how I felt about him before Nidhogg possessed him. It was a long time when the wyrm had control over him.

  
               None of this was making sense, really.


	3. Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Smile like nothing’s wrong,  
> So when I miss you I can remember.  
> So I can draw your face in my mind."

               “The Warrior of Light wishes that they do not have to go out of bed,” I complained out loud to Estinien who had been sitting at my bedside for the past five minutes. I was still wrapped up in my blankets as I blinked at him. “I’m on vacation, am I not?”

  
               “You are, but you told me you wanted to go somewhere else instead. You asked for a change of scenery from the sea and the sun and I offered a place, and you told me you were fine with it. It’s best to get out of bed now while the day is still young,” he gave me a small smile.

  
               “Do not tell me it’s snow,” I muttered to him as I began to unwrap myself.

  
               “No. I am tired of snow,” he retorted, “And so should you.”

  
               “You’re not wrong… well, go wait outside. I’ll be ready in a little.”

-

               I was walking ahead of Estinien, listening to the crumpling of the grass and dirt underneath our shoes as the sun peeked at us through the trees’ small openings. Birds chirped all around us, accompanied by the sounds of the nearby river flowing. Estinien’s change of scenery was to take a walk through the Shroud near Gridania, and once we arrived there, I voiced no objections.

  
               I smiled at him upon our arrival and he quickly looked away from me, but I still noticed how his pale face flushed a little.

  
               He walked a few steps behind me, his long hair tied up in a low ponytail that draped over one of his shoulders. I began to hum a song to myself as I walked forwards with a small spring in my step. The Black Shroud has always been a place of peace for me despite the fact that I spent more time in Limsa Lominsa during the first parts of my adventure.

  
               The sight of flowers on the ground fetched a peculiar memory; I asked him a question.

  
               “You were the one who left those flowers at Azys Lla, no? For Ysayle?”

  
               He quickly replied with a long sigh; maybe the question annoyed him. “Yes,” he admitted, “But why do you ask that now? In fact… what were you doing there after everything was done and finished?”

  
               “I was… wondering. That was all. Wondering and wandering for a—a while. I wanted to see what and where I’ve gone to ever since it began… the business with Ishgard, I mean,” I responded, stumbling a little over a few words. I stopped, turned around, and stared at him.

  
               “Are you… jealous?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.

  
               I thought to myself for a few seconds and shook my head. “No. I was just curious. You liked her, did you not? Ysayle?”

  
               He avoided my gaze, “I confess I had grown fond of her, though when we first met all I could think about was killing her for what she did back then. When she gave her life for us at Azys Lla, however… I had to realize these feelings that had been brewing about in the back of my mind. In the back of my heart. And I—that is also when… mayhaps—”

  
               “You pushed them back… your feelings. I know. I’ve done it too, plenty of times,” I smiled sadly at him, “And when you know what they are, sometimes it is a bit too late.”

  
               I turned my back towards him and walked forwards. He followed behind me closely, saying no more.

  
               “The Shroud never ceases to be pretty. It’s always so peaceful here. It calms me down, just a little,” I blurted out after a few minutes. “I intend to return to my duties soon. By soon, I mean tomorrow, Estinien…”

  
               “Are you afraid of returning?”

  
               “Stop seeing through me, just this once,” I scoffed at him, smiling as I turned to face him. He was frowning, and I returned to a serious expression.

  
               “Does one more day hurt your schedule?” he asked me softly.

  
               “I don’t know,” I promptly responded, taking a step towards him. “You know… you’ve been awfully quiet about yourself lately. I—I don’t even know what I’m saying right now,” I stammered, shrugging my shoulders.

  
               “Did I not confess to you yesterday?” he replied with his annoyed voice.

  
               “You did. Alright.”

  
               “What is it then?” he was confused and understandingly frustrated.

  
               My next words burst forth, the dam keeping them inside of my heart and mouth crumbling rather ungracefully. “Your heart broke a little when Ysayle died, no? Mayhaps not as big as when you lost your family, your town… Your heart has broken a few times, in the past, has it not? Tell me then—”

  
               “You are frustrating sometimes,” he interrupted me. He suddenly grabbed me by my arm and pulled me in for an embrace. He wrapped one arm around my waist, the other around my shoulders, and placed his head near mine.

  
               I closed my eyes, feeling comfort and his warmth. My heart ached and I felt a little dizzy, but I held onto him as tightly as he did to me.

  
               “The day Nidhogg took away everything from me was when I felt pure rage and despair. He had destroyed my world and all of the things I loved and cherished within it. The day I met you, I had no idea why you wanted to give so much to the world, the world that could be destroyed any minute now. The world… which I wanted to destroy sometimes. When you lost your beloved at the Vault… I—”

  
               His voice hitched and I slowly untangled myself from his arms to look at his face. His lips trembled and though he still held a stoic expression, his eyes were overflowing with tears.

  
               “Your world crumbled that moment. As it had for me, once. Everyone could see it. Everyone… could feel it. And you… you did not want to feel it—no, you shut it so tightly within yourself. Aymeric couldn’t bear to face you for a while after, and I—I certainly couldn’t—”

  
               I was wiping away his tears now, keeping my eyes away from his lest I should start crying myself too. My face was hot but my entire body was shivering as he recalled my pain, his pain, and our pain out loud.

  
               “What in the hells can I ever do for you? All I did after was run off, being irritable at almost everything, and then I went and got myself possessed like a dumb fool. I’ve only given you trouble, so it makes sense why you would never choose me as your beloved—I’ll never be like how Haurchefant was to you—”

  
               “Shush,” I whispered to him, placing a finger over his lips. “It’s okay, now. You’ve changed. That’s all I asked for… Ysayle would be happy, too, if she were still with us…”

  
               For a few seconds, he held his breath. He slowly exhaled, blinking his eyes slowly, as he begun to gently run his thumb over my lips. Finally, he backed away from me, his expression crumpling as his eyes wrinkled and tears overflowed again. He began to sob and I pulled him into my own embrace this time, patting him on the back to comfort him.

  
               “I’m sorry,” I quietly apologized to him as he cried into my arms.

-

               “I am sure we will see each other again,” I told him, squeezing his hand. He looked towards me and nodded. We had been standing outside of the gates of Limsa Lominsa for a few minutes now, returning from our trip in the Shroud.

  
               “I know full well that you will run into me at least several more times when I least expect it. You have a talent for getting in my way like that,” he chuckled a little.

  
               “Everything is frighteningly confusing sometimes,” I said, letting go of his hand. “Like how you are with me.”

  
               “It goes both ways, you know,” he replied. “But I do admit, though meeting you has changed me without my consent, at first, I can’t admit that it was an entirely bad thing. You’ve shown me light, and I will be eternally grateful for that.”

  
               “Please don’t speak like that with Alphinaud around. I think you’d give the poor boy a heart attack,” I jested, chuckling a little.

  
               “I am serious here, so quit joking around.”

  
               “I know, I know. I apologize, sincerely.”

  
               He cleared his throat, “Know this: I will always be by your side, from now on. As to who I am to you… I cannot decide that for you.”

  
               “Thanks,” I replied, a bit surprised at these words.

  
               “You should head on now. I do not want to keep you too late,” he gave a long sigh.

  
               “It still isn’t the new day yet. It is still night. In fact, it’s still rather early. The stars have only begun to come out just now.”

  
               “You do not want to go yet?”

  
               “No. You haven’t even said goodbye,” I crossed my arms and pouted a little.

  
               “I have no desire to. It seems… inappropriate.”

  
               “Would this be more appropriate then?” I walked closer to him, tiptoed so I can reach his face, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. It only lasted a few seconds, but his face flushed entirely when I looked at him. His eyes widened and his mouth was left slightly agape.

  
               He blinked at me a few times.

  
               “I hope you do not hate me for that,” I whispered to him.

  
               “No… I don’t… You should definitely get going now, either way,” he managed to say, touching his lips with a bemused expression.

  
               “I’ll see you another day then,” I told him as I walked away from the gates.

  
               “Goodbye,” I heard him call out.

  
               I chuckled to myself. The fact that he says goodbye now… I found it amusing and it made my heart dance a little. It was different, seeing the side that he had been hiding underneath his rage, his irritation, and his seriousness. He trusted me enough, whether it was entirely out of his affection towards me or his confidence in my ability to be a good person, to show me that part of him.

  
               He left the infirmary many weeks ago without saying a word to anyone, wanting respite by wandering around. Knowing him, I felt that it was sort of his way of saying to forget about him for a while because he’s caused so much fuss for everyone. I felt at ease now, however, that if he decided to return, that I and many others are waiting for him when he makes the choice.

-

               I began to miss him a little more than usual. When I had the time, I would imagine his face, his eyes, nose, and lips.

**Author's Note:**

> The primary focus of this work was something I've been thinking about for a while now, which is how two people with messy feelings are supposed to interact with each other after everything they've experienced together. In some aspects, I feel like the WoL and Estinien are eerily similar (both lived most of their lives pursuing a singular goal, both lost people they considered important during or near the end of the Dragonsong War, both have dealt with some kind of loss before they got really tangled up in the events of Heavensward, etc.), so I thought it'd be interesting to write a fic like this. But of course, they're very different too. I'm sure, though, that both just want some peace and quiet after everything that happened in HW haha.


End file.
